In her book, , Jennifer Schneider presents a cohesive description of a co-addict.
Schneider points out that the co-addict's self esteem comes from her success as a people-pleaser.
Her main goal in life is to try to figure out what her partner wants, and then give it to him.
To assure success at pleasing, she may become extremely sensitive to the momentary mood of her partner.
For the relationship partner of a sexual addict, it can be a painful process experiencing the powerlessness of the addict's out-of-control behavior.
The primary dynamic here is a denial of her feelings.If, on the other hand, she has through one means or another found out that the addict is acting out sexually and confronts him, the addict may attack his partner, telling her that if she was not so (demanding, withholding, out of touch with the times, etc.) there would be no problem.The primary dynamic here is that she's somehow to blame for his behavior. Most partners describe these processes as "making me feel crazy." A phrase that is used to describe a woman or a man in relationship with a sexual addict is a codependent of a sex addict, or co-addict for short.She may constantly worry about what he thinks about her and try extremely hard not to make a mistake.Because of these self-defeating characteristics, the co-addict usually is much more in tune with what someone else wants than with her own wants and needs.